Suicide Note

Dear Professor Saks,

I am a Turkish-American bipolar I patient (U.C. Berkeley Ph.D., Chemistry) brought by DHS/FBI to mental hospital due to Tweets and Facebook posts seeking your help…

I read your book The Center Cannot Hold in the Stanford University mental inpatient unit and related to most of your story. I have suffered from mood dependent psychosis for approximately ten years, and to this point have not been able to come up with a good treatment plan due to a variety of factors. I have lost many jobs in my attempt to restore my life since losing my job at MIT in 2010. I worked for Professor Susan Lindquist at the Whitehead Institute of MIT and it was there that she diagnosed and fired me from my postdoctoral position by violating my HIPPA rights and contacting my mother. Some selected threads of this email correspondence between my mother and Susan are in PS1 in quotes at the end of this email (I deleted most of it, these are from my mother’s email account as she gave them to me years later). I read your book and relate very greatly to your story. I also relate to the story of John Nash.

I have not been very lucky. I was homeless for over a year due to the discrimination I faced in workplaces with my illness and due to the fact that I have to date not been able to get Medicaid or SSDI/SSI in the state of Georgia. Given that the Affordable Care Act is about to be repealed I am emailing you seeking help. My most recent bout of mania was last week. I posted a series of Facebook and Twitter posts that the FBI and Department of Homeland Security computer thought were terroristic in nature. They were quite the opposite. I had attended in October an artificial intelligence conference in Las Vegas and there I warned IBM about the dangers of AI and the threat of biological weapons. At that meeting IBM was also not able to understand what I was saying because there too they contacted the DHS and had them speak to me. I care about life on this planet and it is for this reason that I continue to talk about this.

I have written two poetry books in hopes of raising money for my case. The two books are on Amazon and are:



The first is about the war in Syria and the second is about Standing Rock. I need help defending myself against charges from the DHS/FBI. My blog is here:

Please understand, I am not a terrorist! I am just a stupid bipolar I patient who does not know how to avoid getting into trouble. If I was able to work in the Ivory Tower I would. I would like to talk to you about this more, but don’t want to overwhelm you with this email.

Please write back, I would like to talk to you more about my case and do not know where else to turn. I am emailing my closest advisors from my time at Berkeley and Emory so this message is copied on several different servers in case I disappear by either suicide or incarceration. My poem about Syria explains an important Wikileaks cable that has driven me crazy knowing the full depth of what is going on in Syria. I feel Syrian refugees are the first climate change refugees and it is for this reason that I had a bout of psychotic mania when I was in the Atlanta airport when the national airport refugee ban protests erupted. My Twitter is @williamerbil and my Facebook is dr.william.kaya.erbil so you can see for yourself my posts were crazy products of psychotic bipolar mania and not anything else. In my insanity thought I was working for peace to sacrifice myself.

I wanted the Americans to take my body as the true “American Carnage” that Trump speaks about. Carnage of a higher educational system that does not offer opportunity and actively discriminates against people with mental illness.

I am now getting treatment and am doing better, my doctors and I are exploring a monthly injection of medication to treat the psychosis. Your book really helped me because I relate to basically every letter of what you wrote.

Thank you for doing what you do. You are a heroine to me.

Thank you,
Dr. William Kaya Erbil, Ph.D.


“Susan Lindquist []
To: Erbil, Amy C.

EAS‎ (65 B‎)

Sunday, March 07, 2010 3:29 PM

You replied on 3/8/2010 8:02 AM.

Thank you for letting me know all this Amy.
I wonder if you have any sense for how well he is progressing?
Realizing that these things really can’t be predicted very well, I
wonder if you had any sense at all of prognosis? any sense of when
Kaya might be returning to the lab? Please don’t hesitate to say that
the situation is completely unclear if that is the case. Or that you
must maintain confidentiallity if that is the case. The project that
Kaya was working on has not progressed at all, of course, and I would
like to think about alternatives if need be. It is not urgent, by any
means. His health and well being are the important things here.
I also wonder if you have established some specific plans for
communicating on a regular basis with Kaya. And or if he has granted
you permission to get periodic updates from his therapist? Or
notification if he stops therapy? Please forgive the intrusion! I
ask beause my best and dearest friend had a schizophrenic break when
we were in our mid 20s. She recovered beautifully, until she decided
that she didn’t need to take medication any more. She was motivated to
go off of it, of course, because it had some side effects. And thus
began many years of great difficulty. Hence, although I know Kaya
intends to do all of the right things — and I have no idea what the
diagnosis is ! — the vulnerability of long term follow through is the
thing that worries me the most.
Meanwhile, again, my deepest sympathies. I know how difficult this
must be for both of you. And let me say once again that I think he is
a wonderful young man and I have high hopes for him.

On Mar 7, 2010, at 1:55 PM, Erbil, Amy C. wrote:

Susan Lindquist.vcf‎ (944 B‎); ATT00001..htm‎ (2 KB‎)
Sent ItemsWednesday, December 29, 2010 10:57 AM
From: Susan Lindquist []
Sent: Saturday, February 27, 2010 5:53 PM
To: Erbil, Amy C.
Subject: Kaya

Dear Amy,

As a mom myself, my heart is with you.

Few things are more important to me than the health and well being of
the people in my lab. So please do keep me apprised of Kaya’s

As I have told him before, I have a great deal of faith in him. I
believe he has some wonderful and important work to do. And I think
that doing such work will enrich him as well as science. So I hope
this situation can be turned around.

I must also say that in addition to realizing the unusually difficult
combination of circumstances he is dealing with psychologically, I
also have a very healthy respect for the biological imperatives he is
dealing with. I believe he needs both therapy and medication. As you
said today, the fact that he has recognized this is very important.
But most importantly, I hope he can make a long term commitment to
that — a plan that will not just move him into a better place in the
short run, but into a sustainable productive life in the long term

As a mom you should be proud, worried as I know you must be.
Personally and intellectually he is special, and much deserves our



On Feb 26, 2010, at 5:36 PM, Erbil, Amy C. wrote:

Thank you so much for taking time from your busy schedule to talk with
me this morning. I am flying to Boston on Sunday, and will be
spending as much time as necessary in Cambridge to help Kaya sort
things out. Please accept my warmest thanks for all you have done for

From: Susan Lindquist []
Sent: Friday, February 26, 2010 12:13 PM
To: Erbil, Amy C.
Subject: completing email contact
It was wonderful to speak with you today. I am very relieved to know
that Kaya will be in such capable caring hands.

best regards to you,


Susan Lindquist, Ph. D.
Whitehead Institute for Biomedical Research
Department of Biology, MIT
Howard Hughes Medical Institute
Nine Cambridge Center
Cambridge, MA 02142

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