How I Got Radicalized…

TreePlanting05162016 - 21

Maybe should write a Theater of Cruelty to deal with my sadness play instead of a novel? Mining my darkness into light and making money from it?

“I myself spent nine years in an insane asylum and I never had the obsession of suicide, but I know that each conversation with a psychiatrist, every morning at the time of his visit, made me want to hang myself, realizing that I would not be able to cut his throat.”

– Antonin Artaud

‪#‎blacklivesmatter‬ demonized now… ‪#‎harpersferry2016‬ civil war started with‪#‎dallas‬ after what I’ve seen in mental hospitals at the hands of university police from MIT, Emory, and the University of Minnesota ‪#‎fuck12‬ fuck‪#‎KKKacademia‬ duh… I’ve seen black schizophrenics tortured in solitary confinement, I’ve seen nurses curse me. I saw San Bernardino in the Riverwood mental hospital on Fox News for 8 hours a day blasting into the mental hospital. Ain’t never going to forget those hours of screams of agony…


Green hand resting on starlight,

Relaxing, at peace,

Harmony with the leaves and the air,

Fluid water,

Grace in fragrant perfume,

Crushed red berries,

Smell of Gaia,

Georgia woods,

soft gentle trails,

Appalachian heaven,

Buttercup flowers,

Prospector’s love,

On warm spring mornings,

Smooth natural love,


Never alone,


In the small cracks of concrete,

Crab grass,

Howls in a locked room,

Screams of madness,


My screams,

Screams of terror,

Damascus war,

Pain and suffering,

Here in my heart,

Agony in the spiritual realm,

We brothers of love,

Prospector and I,

Mystical agents of peace,

Speak for the unseen,

In a scream,

To God, to Allah,

The unknown known,

We wonder,

Why is there pain?

Why is there suffering?

Go down to the river and pray,

Singing about them good ole’ days,

The gospel music,

Southern soul,

Brings me to Nature,

Here in Gaia’s body,

The fire is extinguished,

No more fire,

No more anger,

Just melancholy blackness,

A speck of light,

Starlight in a dark night,


Art to light the world.

About kayaerbil

I am a Berkeley educated chemistry Ph.D. who is moving into the area of working on developing appropriate technology for communities that are subjected to socio-economic oppression. The goal is to use simple and effective designs to empower people to live better lives. Currently, I am working with Native Americans on Pine Ridge, the Lakota reservation in South Dakota. I am working with a Native owned and run solar energy company. We are currently working on building a compressed earth block (CEB) house that showcases many of the technologies that the company has developed. The CEB house is made of locally derived resources, earth from the reservation. The blocks are naturally thermally insulating, keeping the house cool in the summer and warm in the winter. Eventually, a solar air heater and photovoltaic panels will be installed into the house to power the home and keep it warm, while preserving the house off the grid. A side project while in Pine Ridge is a solar computer. I hope to learn about blockchain encryption software for building microgrids. In addition, it is an immediate interest of mine to involve local youth in technology education.
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