Orlando: “I Saw that He was Bipolar and He Would Get Mad Out of Nowhere”

“In the beginning he was a normal being that cared about family, loved to joke, loved to have fun, but then a few months after we were married I saw his instability. I saw that he was bipolar and he would get mad out of nowhere. That’s when I started worrying about my safety,” she said.


The shooter’s ex-wife, Sitora Yusufiy, held a press conference on Sunday. She said she believed Mateen — who she said abused her periodically during their relationship — was emotionally unstable and suffered from mental illness.

So, let me put a target on my back,

Send the drones after me,

I am bipolar too, and it is not like that,

I mean, every day you see the black cloud of death,

A hurricane of hate, malestrom of Satan,

Black Death, covering our homes,

There are no words to describe the feels,

I have for this America,

This land of the free,

American Holocaust,

Buffalo skulls a hundred feet high,

Lakota blood spilled at Wounded Knee,

Do you remember?

Do you remember the history?

Do you know, that America is built by blood and iron?

Do you think for one second,

That this sin is a mystery?

That you are not guilty too?

It is easy to hide,

To forget collective guilt,

Fine, blame me and my bipolarity,

My anger too is from an abyss,

It is for the blood of those 50 martyrs that died today in Syria,

Uncounted, unknown Syrian ash,

Do we mourn those who die in African famine?

Do we care about the countless?

The uncountable mess of bodies,

Rotting in Pine Ridge graves?

Under the freezing moon,

I felt the black winds of war,

I felt the abyss of hell,

Stalking America the great,

I too felt the anger and blackness,

Does that make me mentally ill?

Perhaps, but is this black death a virus?

Is the mind really a place of pathogens?

…or is it an energy?

a particular black hole has opened,

Ripped apart from the very beginning,

Nothing can change that but a national day,

A day when all of America atones for its collective sin,

There will be no resolution from the 50 dead in Orlando,

Muslims will be profiled,

I will be profiled,





About kayaerbil

I am a Berkeley educated chemistry Ph.D. who is moving into the area of working on developing appropriate technology for communities that are subjected to socio-economic oppression. The goal is to use simple and effective designs to empower people to live better lives. Currently, I am working with Native Americans on Pine Ridge, the Lakota reservation in South Dakota. I am working with a Native owned and run solar energy company. We are currently working on building a compressed earth block (CEB) house that showcases many of the technologies that the company has developed. The CEB house is made of locally derived resources, earth from the reservation. The blocks are naturally thermally insulating, keeping the house cool in the summer and warm in the winter. Eventually, a solar air heater and photovoltaic panels will be installed into the house to power the home and keep it warm, while preserving the house off the grid. A side project while in Pine Ridge is a solar computer. I hope to learn about blockchain encryption software for building microgrids. In addition, it is an immediate interest of mine to involve local youth in technology education.
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