I wrote the following on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter yesterday, “Angels and demons are real to many people, so I acknowledge their reality and write about their interaction with my soul. However, I want to preserve the sanctity of reason and the stabilization secularism brings. The atheistic worldview is the world that the mental health system works in so everything has to go through that to have any any real impact in mental wards. I saw many souls locked away in real and chemical prisons. You may find the rest of my life is spent somehow making sense of their realities. Poetry may be the only place for that for now. Eventually, I hope to learn how to code to make more elaborate art.”
A new thought for today is what about film making? I stumbled into an idea from a friend who is a psychotherapy student at the New School in New York, the idea of combining film making and psychotherapy. In community perhaps we can come up with some answers as to the cause of Shosh’s death, a severe turning point in my life. As I have written about on this blog, the suicide of Shoshona Froman was a turning point in my life. It is a curious thing that many of my friends from high school have or are returning to the past and restoring their memories, perhaps correcting wrongs that were done then and moving forward towards a new path. The curveball that comes into the equation is children of your own. A question that came up last night that really puzzled me is, “How is a modern eleven year old girl going to learn how to use the modern smartphone social media in the most ethical and empowering way possible?” Somewhere in 2009, the chance for having my own kids ended with my divorce catalyzed by a response to Shosh’s suicide. For six years, I have been trapped in a cycle of self-destruction starting to rebuild my life only to tear down the new structure that I construct as if it is not good enough. I wonder if what God has been doing in that is projecting these angels and demons into my mind is giving me a time to return to the past to remake it in a new way the way that veterans do in PTSD therapy, going back to events of trauma and restoring the correct path?
